ladycaviar

What monkey crack was I smoking where I thought we'd have this house redone this winter? Ahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahah. Right now I am listening to the soothing sounds of The Man knocking out another wall. Actually, it's really fun to take a sledgehammer to one's house.

I grew up believing that it was illegal to touch the wiring in your house, East coast union thinking and all. Idaho changed my life, what with trying to renovate a 100 year old house stapled together out of old milk caps. It's somewhere in between here in sunny Texas, and it doesn't hurt living with my own building contractor.

His favorite joke? Any time one of the utilities insists on their "approved contractors" lists, he is that list. Mine? Any time we rip out a wall, not only are we going to find a dead body, but it's gonna be a load-bearing body and we're gonna have to work around that fucking thing, too.

Seriously, have I mentioned that the previous owners watched too many episodes of Trading Spaces? I suppose in the end that's actually a good thing, because at this point if it looked halfway decent in here I'd be tempted to leave it the hell the way it is rather than trying to redo it right as opposed to half-assed. But since the walls look like crap there's a high motivation to erase the hideous so I don't have to poke out my eyes.

The appliances they left here are cursed. You know, if you piss off a witch doctor, you should just make amends. Not dump your hexed belongings in your ugly house and sell it to some unwitting victim so that someone else has to suffer from your stupidity. You think he won't find you where you go? You think that gris-gris won't follow you? Morons. Besides, we'll just call