ladycaviar

The Man and I were laughing last night that Avian Swine flu is, of course, breeding grounds for "when pigs fly" jokes. If either of us could remember the stellar one he made last night, I'd post it. Sadly, we're brain-dead dorks today.

[It's even funnier to us because we've probably had ASF -- both of us had monster flu recently, in TX, that had us both knocked flat and dead sick (me with eventual pneumonia) for two weeks at minimum.]

So make with the lulz, mah peeps. Share ur flying pig jokes!

Today, the weather was nice, if a bit wet, and The Z chose to do his Mighty Panther impression in the enclosed backyard as he is often wont to do.

It's funnier to watch when the grass is wet, because he will carefully lift each paw to minimize the icky damp contact, and he won't stalk the grass as low as he does when it's dry so his Predator Belly doesn't get drippy. But The Mighty Panther does his rounds in the Backyard Veldt, taunting the dogs with his Catly Aromas, which waft through the fence and drive the Evil Dog Things insane -- much to the amusement of The Z.

MrZ attacks the grass with his four remaining teeth, all Siamese fangs, until he's got enough to barf back up, whereupon he prefers to return to the house to deposit said barf offerings inside on the clean tile. Just one of his quirks. Because barfing outside is Icky, you see. I think cleaning up barf is Icky, but I don't get a lot of say in this... The Z's system is The Z's system and I am merely his servant. *sigh*

Apparently, going potty outside is also out of the question. I'm not sure why. Perhaps since we don't go potty in the backyard, he won't either. Perhaps he just doesn't like anyone watching. In any case, MrZ returns inside every time. Strange cat. I didn't really think much of it today.

Until we heard a different repeating "mao" than we'd heard before. A LOUD MAO. When we looked at Z, he was wearing cement shoes. It seems that soggy paws and scoop litter is a Mafia hit on a cat.

Poor muffin. Nobody likes being cuddled in a towel by your Mama who's laughing so hard she can hardly clean your paws right. Mao! Mao! How can something so poignantly sad be so hilarious? The trauma... oh god I think I hurt my pancreas... ahahahhaahha

Because brock_tn  and saoba  asked for it, I made this:

I am totally a Coke addict. Yeah, ha ha ha.

The old joke about “drowning when you snort it” would be kinda tired, but I’ve got a set of friends led by torin3 and The Chef who somehow manage to get me to hork something through my sinuses at least once a year, so it’s not so much a joke as a reminder. The last thing I snorted was wasabi, IIRC. Now that was an experience – but that wasn’t where I was going at all.

( a little prelude for the confused )
Shopping around, I found Mexican Coke way cheap at a store I don’t usually go to. Score! When I got home, I popped one open and iced it up.

Weird. Kinda freaky tasting today. Kinda like… malk?[1],[2]

So I looked at the bottle. Damn, it’s been a long time since I saw a returnable bottle, all rough where the bottles rub up against each other. Ah, memories. Ah, nostalgia.

Wait. Coca-Cola Mexíco doesn’t use returnables. Uh oh.

So I looked at the receipt. It rang up as “BUENO COCO COLO.” That sounds like a festive umbrella rum drink. I don’t think my caveat emptor radar had warmed up to the stupid level while I was in that store. Damn, I got fake bootleg Coke.

Holy crap, what’s the world come to when you can’t trust bootleggers anymore? Didn’t they unionize or something when the Volstead Act was repealed? What happened to honor among thieves, or the “pirates’ code,” as revealed in the documentary series Pirates of the Caribbean? Man, I bet I can’t even trust what the chip in my head tells me anymore.

---

Threesomes are difficult to manage. Oh yeah, two chicks will cooperate, sure, but two guys always end up jealous and competing. Don’t ask me how I know that. Let’s just politely assume I read that somewhere and move on.

( not the pr0n you think it is )

[Error: unknown template qotd] Sold a kidney and started turning tricks like everybody else, duh.

Why, why, why, for the love of God why did someone hack my userpics so that my default pic cycles randomly to a picture of Obama? Ok, thanks for picking one where he's like grooving out or something, but fuck all, what did I do to deserve this? Is he trying to get on my dance card with the escort service? Jeez, like Clinton doesn't have my number memorized or anything, he could pass it along -- I'm sure I'm still on the Oval Office speed dial, Bush kept pushing the button lableled "sardine pizza" thinking he'd get actual pizza, LOL.

Queued, was that you?

Damn, I'm in a mood today.

This is my niece as a lobster for halloween, with some kid I don't know. Please come up with a suitable caption.

Driving across the mountains of the South, literally the "purple mountains majesty," is one of the most transcendental meditations -- the swing of finding the perfect radius on the turns, the dance of gear to hill for just the right roller coaster ride, a kinetic trance space beyond care and tension that brings a tranquility amid some of the most beautiful scenery in North America --

unless you happen to have the Most Unhappy Cat In The World riding shotgun with you, in which case, it's not tranquil at all.
( The cat's part in all this )

So other than that, did you know that there is a congressman named Zack Wamp running for re-election in Tennessee? I saw all those billboards, and the Star Wars geek in me wondered if he calls his supporters "wamp rats." Guess not.

I found a little meme, the LJ Markov Random Text Generator, which mangles your blog like this:

Apparently only The Chef and I paid with a bagless vacuum with flames coming from reading Harry Potter. We lost his toenails, kinda hilarious, and control-Z in your tea: I spent a mangled Shakespeare reference and wooting. Bad news: It was eight hundred guys, and Obama -- I would be expected to whack myself into solar power, too.

In fact, it makes a fun new meme. Go run the LJ Markov Random Text Generator on your own LJ, and ADDING NO WORDS, only editing for punctuation and removing words and boring passages if you like, see if you can come up with something that amuses you. And post your best three sentences. Or not...

The entirety of the random text was entirely too close to the real journal entries for my taste. Maybe I'll just go to Rum and Monkey's auto-updater and save time from now on, LOL.

From tonight's dinner discussion:

torin3 : "I've always wondered what happens when you mix pasta and antipasto."
ladycaviar : "I wonder how the Flying Spaghetti Monster feels about that."
The Chef: "Oh, didn't you know? Antipasto is what fuels his ship."

and later:
ladycaviar : "Did you just say, 'death badgers?'"
torin3 : "No, I said, 'Did you get the bag out of the back?'"
The Chef: "I like 'death badgers' better. I want some."