ladycaviar

Driving across the mountains of the South, literally the "purple mountains majesty," is one of the most transcendental meditations -- the swing of finding the perfect radius on the turns, the dance of gear to hill for just the right roller coaster ride, a kinetic trance space beyond care and tension that brings a tranquility amid some of the most beautiful scenery in North America --

unless you happen to have the Most Unhappy Cat In The World riding shotgun with you, in which case, it's not tranquil at all.

Mr. Z expressed his displeasure most vocally from the beginning, and let up somewhere around day two. Until that point, it was constant yowling as only an irate purebred Siamese can muster, the volume concentrated by the interior of a vehicle. Joy. He did not like the motion of the truck. He did not like me making turns. He did not like it when I stopped. He did not like certain songs on the radio. Actually, listening to him throw a full-on hissy fit at Amy Winehouse for saying "no, no, no" to him was one of the more hilarious moments we had together. He bitched her out good for that, and I split my lip laughing at him. He didn't find that funny, either.

However, when I let him out at rest stops, I discovered his talent for seducing old ladies. Holy shit, you'd think he was Ricardo Montalban in a fur suit. They swarmed to him like bees on honey.
"Oh, isn't he beautiful! Look at him, Sally, he's lovely! How long have you had him?"
mao
"He's 21."
mao
"Oh my, isn't he a distinguished gentleman. Did you hear that, Sally? He's 21!"
mao
"And such a talker! Aren't you such a talker! I could just eat you up!"
mao
"Do you have far to go, honey?" [you guessed it, they'd stopped talking to me. They're talking to him.]
mao
"We're going to Texas."
mao
"Oh, Texas, did you hear that, Sally?"
mao
and on, and on, repeated at every stop we made. I swear to God, if I ever want to make a career of robbing little old ladies, I'm taking this cat as bait.

As we speak, His Serene Highness is curled next to me, sleeping deceptively peacefully and silently like an angel.

So other than that, did you know that there is a congressman named Zack Wamp running for re-election in Tennessee? I saw all those billboards, and the Star Wars geek in me wondered if he calls his supporters "wamp rats." Guess not.