Aug. 28th, 2006

Some of you asked about Acer Moyaschenko Institute for Cultural Studies.

I needed to get a group discount on a museum tour once, so I said we were with the "Acer Mensa Institute for Cultural Studies." It worked. I'm a pissant smart-ass, you see, but if I can save $75 and get to see the manuscripts in the back room just by smarting off, well, then... I'm a pissant smart-ass Laurel with enough money to get the hell back home.

I named it after the tree at Pennsic (Latin for "maple table") and it's been useful ever since for lots of things. So I made a logo and official university merchandise on Cafepress because I could, and damned if I don't indeed get a "cease and desist" letter from MENSA. Fuckers. I know full well you can't copyright Latin words in this country, hell, you can't even copyright company names, so WTF? Oho, those smartypants have TRADEMARKED the rights to put the word Mensa on all merchandise in the US. You think you're so smart, huh? Well, I'll show you. I'll name it after the other tree. Smart jerks, you may have the IQs, but who has a fake university, huh? Hell, who has a university of any kind? You'd think the brainiacs would run some kind of school, but apparently not.

It still makes me laugh, and then I find someone made a movie about some kid who couldn't get into college so he invents a college to fool his parents so they won't get mad at him.. it's called "Accepted," and I saw it this weekend. Dumb movie as far as movies go, but I thought it was hilarious--I just might buy it. Who invents fake universities?
I can't decide whether it was my father or my brother who was the actual pusher. And I have to tell my story because I see it happening to all of you.

Once, I was a happy Luddite. I didn't want to be dragged into the 20th century. I didn't have a computer, much less a cell phone. I learned computers on punch cards, and I was happy. Then my brother gave me a computer made out of weird old parts with a creepy old TV for a monitor, and said, "it won't hurt you." It had a 64K hard drive. This was in the 1990s, really. Then my father insisted I get email because he was tired of paying long distance bills to Idaho. And it began...

Innocently hitting links to yahoo!, I made a geocities page. How could I know this was worse than downloading porn? My brother just about had a heart attack. Little did I know I would ruin his repuation with his corporate clients by going geocities, and was born.

Next, I ebayed. Then, I signed up for lists. Not enough? I LiveJournaled and became a Blogger! Not content with just selling old crap around the house, I created crap! Crap on demand! In for a penny, in for a pound! Hell, I've had a first husband, I don't have to pretend to be a virgin anymore, I have a Myspace page! . I spit out html at the dinner table, when once I never would have used it in polite company. I have no shame.

Where will it end? Who will be next? I'm looking at you...



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