An Open Letter to the Jerk Who Stole My Watch

[ladycaviar]

Dear Jerk:

I hope you enjoy my watch. I hope you love it as much as I did. I hope you particularly love the brand new leather band I just put on it. It took me 14 years to find that watch, can you appreciate that? Did you know that a watch with a moon phase dial is called a complication, and is a ridiculously difficult item to find in the 21st century, when no one appreciates watchmaking anymore? And I'm not talking one of those ridiculous day/night dials, either -- I can tell whether the sun is up, for god's sake, I don't need to look at my fucking watch for that.

I'm choosing to see this action of yours as a gift to you, so that you might appreciate fine art when you steal it. Enjoy. Savor it. You only have a finite amount of time on earth to love that watch before you fry in hell. As for me, this is my message to me not to settle, that really I was meant to have the Patek Phillippe that has my name on it, the beautiful exquisite culmination of horological artistry that requires a true connoiseur to appreciate, and not some moral-free Philistine who walks off with other people's timepieces. I will, however, have to wait until the Lottery Fairy comes to visit. Harrumph.

The only regret I have is that had I known you would feel a need to take my watch, I would have refrained from putting a lovely new strap on it. You could have appreciated it just as well with the old fake lizard band with the broken buckle.

Fuck you.

[I see this sort of thing is rampant: fosveny was recently liberated of the burden of his lawnmower.]

Comments

[johnomar915.livejournal.com]

I sorry to hear someone took your watch. Please tell me you weren't mugged for it. On the other hand, please tell me if you were so I can come hunt the M***** F***** down. I have some aggression to deal with.

[yaminagdh.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry some asshat stole your watch. They'll get theirs. I also would like to congratulate you on your fantastic taste in watches. I love Patek Phillippe's 4934r and 4958G myself. I understand the wanting and needing the Lottery Fairie to visit in order to obtain one as well.

[windsingerbard.livejournal.com]

Yeek! 8o Coping mechanisms/grabbing the high ground aside, would it be a good idea to report this to the police? A piece that distinctive is sure to stand out, whether the guilty little She-Beast keeps it to wear or tries to fence it.

(Shit. I lose watches all the time — why I stopped wearing them; & anyway a cell-phone clock serves the same practical purpose — but never actually NICE ones. And never because it was sufficiently nice that a thief, or mannerless opportunist at best, decided to help themself to it when my back was turned.)

LOL

[silverannex.livejournal.com]

I especially like the 'fuck you' bit at the end. Classic. :P

=Anli=

[rlg.livejournal.com]

oh crap. Damn.

[tash-n-tail.livejournal.com]

Not having a good day Love? Zen hugs.

Now for the son of a bitch with the light fingers perhaps I could suggest a demon haunting from the nice old Voodoo Queen down the road?