Comments and condiments
Jun. 11th, 2007 10:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladycaviarYou know, I don't buy for a minute that the Earl of Sandwich invented jack shit.
I think people have been squashing meat and cheese into bread as long as there have been meat and cheese and bread. I think even the lesser advanced primates and Fionn's squirrels can come up with this idea independently without any help whatsoever. How hard is it to jam one's lunch into an easily portable form to be eaten on the way to one's destination? Not rocket science. However, it probably was a very tired and underappreciated Earl's butler who may have been the first to slice the bread and meat and cheese into a lovely presentation for an overbred pompous gambling-impaired giggling neurotic flibbertigibbet of an employer.
"'Can't you do something fancier, Jeeves?' he says. And then they call it the 'Sandwich,' as if that pompous git had anything to do with it. No, never call it a 'Jeeves,' that would never do. Have to name it after the master, they do, never lifted a lily white finger in his life, I do all the work around here, but his father planned ahead and knocked up Quality, he did, and mine only screwed hoors, so here I am, cutting His Lordship's fancy Sand-Wich-Es, damn them all, may they rot in Hell..." But I can believe that thus began the Disgruntled Deli Employee Tradition of Spitting in Your Order If You Don't Tip Enough...
Not really related, but in a lunch sort of segueway, today The Kid and his mother and I were eating hot dogs for lunch. Robert had ketchup on his, I had deli mustard. The Kid declined my offer of the mustard, insisting that he preferred the ketchup. Soon after, he screamed a scream of intense pain, curled up into a tiny ball, and went silent. His mother, however, kept right on eating.
"That's another reason not to play with your penis at the table," she said, with the utter calm of some otherworldly saint. "Ketchup stings. Would you like to go get washed up now?" He did indeed.
I was white-lipped with suppressed laughter. It is wrong, so very wrong, to laugh at such things.
But all I could think about was the deli mustard...
I think people have been squashing meat and cheese into bread as long as there have been meat and cheese and bread. I think even the lesser advanced primates and Fionn's squirrels can come up with this idea independently without any help whatsoever. How hard is it to jam one's lunch into an easily portable form to be eaten on the way to one's destination? Not rocket science. However, it probably was a very tired and underappreciated Earl's butler who may have been the first to slice the bread and meat and cheese into a lovely presentation for an overbred pompous gambling-impaired giggling neurotic flibbertigibbet of an employer.
"'Can't you do something fancier, Jeeves?' he says. And then they call it the 'Sandwich,' as if that pompous git had anything to do with it. No, never call it a 'Jeeves,' that would never do. Have to name it after the master, they do, never lifted a lily white finger in his life, I do all the work around here, but his father planned ahead and knocked up Quality, he did, and mine only screwed hoors, so here I am, cutting His Lordship's fancy Sand-Wich-Es, damn them all, may they rot in Hell..." But I can believe that thus began the Disgruntled Deli Employee Tradition of Spitting in Your Order If You Don't Tip Enough...
Not really related, but in a lunch sort of segueway, today The Kid and his mother and I were eating hot dogs for lunch. Robert had ketchup on his, I had deli mustard. The Kid declined my offer of the mustard, insisting that he preferred the ketchup. Soon after, he screamed a scream of intense pain, curled up into a tiny ball, and went silent. His mother, however, kept right on eating.
"That's another reason not to play with your penis at the table," she said, with the utter calm of some otherworldly saint. "Ketchup stings. Would you like to go get washed up now?" He did indeed.
I was white-lipped with suppressed laughter. It is wrong, so very wrong, to laugh at such things.
But all I could think about was the deli mustard...
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Date: 2007-06-12 06:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-12 02:30 pm (UTC)err ...
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Date: 2007-06-12 04:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-12 04:38 pm (UTC)I had been rendered speechless.
And now, now I'm picturing myself a couple years from now. I suppose this is life with boy-children. Still getting used to that idea.
Wow. Condoms, yes. Condiments???????! *shriek*